We hadn’t met in person yet, this guy who slid into my DMs the previous week and had been making me smile like a crushing school girl ever since. I really liked him, which surprised me since I was only flirting with him for fun, already decided that he was too young for me. Plus, he only had one photo of himself on his dating profile. Yes, one photo – red flag, anyone?
Anyway, we were talking on the phone one night and he casually asked me what time I usually wake up in the mornings. I immediately got a little squeamish but told him 5AM and got the exact reaction that I get from most people. “Why?” An innocent enough question, but one I did not want him to ask, because there was something I did not want him to know about me until after we met in person.
When I reluctantly replied, “I work out in the mornings,” I was literally holding my breath, waiting on him to make a comment about how I must have a really nice body, or something to that effect. And while he didn’t say exactly that, I did hear excitement in his voice. This was not a surprise because I knew he was into fitness and let’s just say that he had nothing to be self-conscious about if I had been the one to make a “nice body” comment.
As he proceeded to ask me about the type of workouts I like with more enthusiasm than I had ever heard from him, I was on the other end of the phone trying to ignore the anxiety I was feeling. Trying not to give in to the thoughts that were screaming “Why did you tell him that? Now he’s going to expect you to be skinny,” and “You better go ahead and warn him that you’re a big girl.”
Recalling that I have always had these thoughts is always an interesting topic for me. It is not a unique one, however, because I know so many other black women have similar thoughts. But we will cover that topic in a different post. What I want to talk about right now is how often black women are hiding in their everyday lives because for so long society has told us that we are either not enough, or that we are too much.
This phone conversation is just one example. I could also tell you about how petrified I was to change my LinkedIn profile photo to one with me rocking my braids, thinking everyone would talk about how “hood” or “ghetto” I looked. We could talk about how even to this day, as much as I love natural hair on black women, every time I wear mine, there is a voice in my head that says I will never look as good as I do when my hair is longer and straighter. There is an endless list of stories I could tell you about how I was hiding instead of living because I felt too big or too black; because even though health is so important to me, I shy away from talking about it with certain people because I am afraid of being judged for not looking like society’s version of healthy.
Insert Healthy, Big, and Black – a movement for black women of all sizes, redefining healthy and empowering black women to stop hiding and to start living, every single day. A movement showing black women that they get to love themselves just the way they are, and how to start showing up for themselves in their everyday lives. A movement showing black women how to feel whole mentally, physically, and spiritually.
Let me break it down, so you can know exactly what I mean.
HEALTHY: You no longer have to conform to what society says is healthy. You get to decide what healthy means for you, then work on being that woman, one small step at a time.
You get to eat the apple and the apple pie.
You know that healthy is feeling good from the inside out, and that true health is a lifestyle, not a diet, detox or Instagram trend.
You prioritize your self-care, and you have boundaries that protect your peace.
BIG: While you may or may not be in a bigger sized body, you get to feel bomb AF every day, without shrinking yourself.
You know that healthy comes in more than one size and that you get to love your right-now body, even if you are working towards a different size or shape.
You are NOT too much. You bring a BIG personality, BIG goals, and BIG energy.
You embrace who you are by living out loud. You speak up in the meetings. You show up as YOU, and you do it boldly because that is the confident black woman you are.
You prioritize FUN in your life.
You believe in faith over fear, because you know you are unstoppable.
BLACK: You are no longer apologizing for the color of your skin, the coil of your hair or the tenacity you have that intimidates the weak and small-minded.
You embrace being the dope black woman you are, unapologetically; even if you are not the version of black that everyone wants or expects you to be.
You were put on this earth to break generational curses and be your ancestor’s wildest dreams.
Your black is beautiful, and you are ready to give it to the world.
So, buckle up sis, because we will be diving deep. We will bring up topics that although you have likely thought about several times, there is a good chance that you never spoke your feelings aloud. We are going to talk about a variety of things, all tied to how you can start living your best Healthy, Big, and Black life ASAP – no matter how much you weigh or what your current circumstances are.
Here are some of the real-life circumstances we will talk about:
- Living a healthy lifestyle without going on a diet
- Being a black woman in corporate America
- Why travel is so important
- How growing up black affects the woman you are today
- Black family dynamics and expectations
- Having healthy relationships
- How to love your right-now body, even if you are on a weight loss journey
- Plus size living
- Eating and exercise habits
- Self-care and boundaries
- The life of a black entrepreneur
We are no longer keeping quiet.
So if you are reading this, and you already want more, be sure to hit me up on Instagram and TikTok. I love connecting with other black women around the world who are ready to stop hiding and start living.
If you are wondering what the ending to that story about the guy I met online is, we got married in October 2022. Needless to say, he was very pleased with what he saw when we met in person and still looks at me the same way to this very day.
